jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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