So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
