I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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