omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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