I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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