A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
