we're blogging at a bar
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
