it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
