Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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