we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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