I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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