I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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