So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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