I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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