I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
