I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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