you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
