were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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