WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
