Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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