Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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