didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
