So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
