WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
