The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
