I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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