im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
