i just google imaged poop.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
