Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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