Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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