i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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