There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
