he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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