you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
