And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
