oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
