Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
