It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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