I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
