Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
