i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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