He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
