i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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