I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
