I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
