I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize