You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
