we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
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so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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