please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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