Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is it because I queefed?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
