Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
