I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize