i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.