Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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