I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important