Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize