So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?