my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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