the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."