Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
