I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
