Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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