I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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