I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
