Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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