On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
