Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
