Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
