K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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