is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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